Domain Change Announced

Attention readers...

Since the better part of the last year-and-a-half, a domain change has been planned but never really initiated...until now.

It's a slow process and the mechanics are still being juggled around, but we will be switching to joeholmanonline dot com as of now. We may not be finished for several weeks, but ALL forthcoming reviews will be posted on the new site. No more posts will be posted here. Please go there and subscribe.

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Movie Review: Bullet to the Head (2012)

Warner Bros. Pictures
Runtime: 1 hour, 32 minutes
Rated: R (for nudity, violence, and adult themes)
Director: Walter Hill
Writer: Alessandro Camon, Alexis Nolent
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian Slater,
Sung Kang
Action | Crime | Thriller

Cut any of the older Diehards or Tango and Cash or Lethal Weapon or any successful “odd couple” movie in half with regard to quality and that is about where Walter Hill’s Bullet to the Head comes in at. Being that we are done with 2012, I had high hopes for this one, but the big hitters aren’t always the ones to come last.

Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)

Columbia Pictures - The Weinstein Company
Runtime: 2 hours, 45 minutes
Rated: R (for nudity, extreme violence and gore, and adult themes)
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz,
Leonardo DiCaprio, Samuel L. Jackson, Kerry Washington
Adventure | Drama | Western

At about 3 hours long, Django Unchained is Quentin Tarantino’s latest mental sickness-inspired adventure of a slave named “Django” (Jamie Foxx) who is freed by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter, “Dr. King Schultz” (Christoph Waltz) who helps Django rescue his enslaved wife from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Mississippi.

Movie Review: Flight (2012)

Paramount Pictures
Runtime: 2 hours, 18 minutes
Rated: R (for nudity, profanity, drug and alcohol use, and
adult themes)
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Writer: John Gatins
Starring: Denzel Washington, Nadine Velasquez, Don
Cheadle, Tamara Tunie, Kelly Reilly


Flight is about Whip Whitacre (Denzel Washington), a seasoned commercial airlines pilot who is in denial about having a substance abuse problem. His ex-wife and son don’t want him around. No one he works with who knows him expects him to change, although one stewardess and friend he flies with who goes to church regularly (Tamara Tunie) keeps a pew warm for him.

Movie Review: Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Columbia Pictures
Runtime: 2 hours, 37 minutes
Rated: R (for strong violence including brutal disturbing images, and
for language)
Director: Kathryn Bigelow
Writer: Mark Boal
Starring: Jessica Chastain, Joel Edgerton, Chris Pratt
Drama | History | Thriller

Zero Dark Thirty is military talk for “half past midnight.” As a movie, it is just as alluring as its title. It is the story of the acquisition and assassination of Osama bin Laden with efforts going as far back as 2003 when getting reliable information from detainees as to key al-Qeada players was pronouncedly an unproductive task.

Movie Review: Lincoln (2012)

Dreamworks Pictures
Runtime: 2 hours, 30 minutes
Rated: PG-13 (for an intense scene of war violence, some images
of carnage, and brief strong language)
Director: Steven Spielberg
Writers: Tony Kushner, Doris Kearns Goodwin
Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field, David Strathairn
Biography | Drama | History

Spielberg’s Lincoln draws much of its focus from a book by historian (and film consultant) Doris Kearns Goodwin entitled Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, and in a nearly three-hour timespan (and with the help of screenplay writer Tony Kushner), it stays on a path determined to let the perceived aura of Abraham Lincoln shine through.

Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

Runtime: 1 hour, 32 minutes
Rated: R (for strong grisly violence and language throughout)
Director: John Luessenhop
Writers: Adam Marcus, Debra Sullivan
Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Tania Raymonde, Scott Eastwood
Horror | Thriller | Mystery

A girl travels to Texas to collect on an inheritance when just a day earlier she had no idea about it. She learns that a grandmother has just died that she didn't even know she had, which kinda makes mom and dad jerks for not telling her she was adopted all these years. With the edginess at home, we can practically feel the road trip to Texas coming on.

Movie Review: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

New Line Cinema
Runtime: 2 hours, 46 minutes
Rated: PG-13 (for extended sequences of intense fantasy action
violence and frightening images)
Director: Peter Jackson
Writers: Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson
Starring: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage
Adventure | Fantasy

The Hobbit is Lord of the Rings-0, the official prequel to the series by J.R.R. Tolkien and the movies by Peter Jackson, this time with an intrepid host of adventuring dwarves looking to reclaim their home.

Movie Review: Life of Pi (2012)

20th Century Fox
Runtime: 2 hours, 7 minutes
Rated: PG (for emotional thematic content throughout, some scary action,
and sequences of peril)
Director: Ang Lee
Writers: David Magee, Yann Martel
Starring: Suraj Sharma, Irrfan Khan, Adil Hussain
Adventure | Drama

Ang Lee's Life of Pi is an adaptation of the 2001 novel by Yann Martel, one of the writers for the film, wherein a spiritually searching Indian boy from Pondicherry is lost in the Pacific ocean with a fully grown Bengal tiger named Richard Parker.

Movie Review: Here Comes the Boom (2012)

Columbia Pictures
Runtime: 1 hour, 45 minutes
Rated: PG (for bouts of MMA violence, rude humor, and language)
Director: Frank Coraci
Writers: Kevin James, Allan Loeb
Starring: Kevin James, Henry Winkler, Salma Hayek, Bas Rutten,
Gary Valentine, Greg Germann
Action | Comedy

Every once in a while, an average family movie slips past the execs and winds up on the big screen somehow. It doesn’t deserve to be there, but it’s there anyway. This is what happened with Frank Coraci and Kevin James' Here Comes the Boom, in which James plays "Scott Voss," a burnt-out high-school biology teacher who gets into MMA (mixed martial arts) to save his school's soon-to-be-cancelled music department due to lacking funds.

Movie Review: 12/12/12 (2012)

The Asylum
Runtime: 1 hour, 26 minutes
Rated: R (for bloody violence, sexual
content, nudity, language)
Director: Jared Cohn
Writer: Jared Cohn
Starring: Sara Malakul Lane, Jesus
Guevara, Steve Hanks
This year’s “Most Tasteless Horror Movie” award goes to the same movie that gets the “Most Non-scary Horror Movie” award, as well as any other awards of disdain I may pull out of my hat and feel the need to give. And yes, I am taking into account that we are talking here about a direct-to-DVD work rather than a big-budgeter.

The movie is an apocalyptic horror film based on the date 12/12/12, which is the birth date of Satan’s fleshly incarnation. Less than ten days later (12/21/12), a young antichrist child will be ready to step up and rule the world. It’s another “evil baby” movie, but it at least tries to go in a new direction.

At the movie’s start, we watch as an almost totally nude female is tied to an alter and is rubbed down with oil of some kind before having her stomach cut open.

Drive Thru Review (2012) - (3)

The Apparition: A couple is haunted by a supernatural presence that is unleashed during a college experiment.
Director: Todd Lincoln
Starring: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton
Horror | Thriller

It’s been called one of the worst movies of the year – and it ain’t no cinematic treasure – but the premise behind The Apparition is more than a little scary (despite what you’ve heard). A host of things were done wrong here, and Greene is not a likable onscreen presence. But if you can watch with the lowest of expectations, you might come away with something. C-
Watch Trailer

Movie Review: Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

Disney Pictures
Runtime: 1 hour, 41 minutes
Rated: PG (for some rude humor and mild action/violence)
Director: Rich Moore
Writers: Rich Moore, Phil Johnston
Starring: John C. Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch
Sarah Silverman
Animation | Comedy | Family

Wreck-it Ralph is the movie about the video game, and unlike most movies that have anything to do with their video games, this one doesn’t suck. And many movies have only one hero, but this one has at least three. It’s center-most is “Wreck-it Ralph” (John C. Reilly, voice) who is nothing more than a blip of coding inside an arcade game where, as the bad guy, he is responsible for smashing apart a building, leaving the good guy, “Fix-It Felix” (Jack McBrayer, voice) to undo his damage and receive all the praise from the little coding blips that are the building tenants.

Movie Review: Rise of the Guardians (2012)

Dreamworks Animation
Runtime: 1 hour, 37 minutes
Rated: PG (for thematic elements and some mildly scary action)
Director: Peter Ramsey
Writers: David Lindsay-Abaire, William Joyce
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Alec Baldwin, Isla Fisher
Animation | Adventure | Family

Rise of the Guardians is supposed to be a Christmas movie, but in actuality, it is an all-seasons movie about belief in The Easter Bunny (hugh Jackman, voice), Santa Claus (Alec Baldwin, voice), the Tooth Fairy (Isla Fisher, voice), the Sandman, and Jack Frost (Chris Pine, voice). But I would be remiss if I forgot to mention the role of the Moon who serves here as the heavenly host’s appointee to select earth’s guardians. Yes, that’s right, guardians—and all this time, you thought Santa and friends were just joyful gift-givers on earth.

Movie Review: Pitch Perfect (2012)

Universal Pictures
Runtime: 1 hour, 52 minutes
Rated: PG-13 (for sexual material, language, and drug references)
Director: Jason Moore
Writers: Kay Cannon, Mickey Rapkin
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow, Rebel Wilson
Comedy | Music | Romance

Young “Beca” (Anna Kendrick) is a freshmen at Barden University, but as much as she finds herself surrounded by new people and potential friends, she is more wrapped up in her own little world of music. She carries her computer with an advanced sound program on it and large headphones around nearly everywhere. Mostly estranged from dad through “stepmonster” (her own term of anti-endearment for the step-mom), she isn’t all that easy to get to know, but compared to her new roommate, she comes in just likable enough.
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